...and I pretty much suck at dealing with it. I remember laying awake in bed every year before school started, thinking about the fact that I'll never be able to be in "n" grade anymore, or I won't be able to relive this summer. I always hated not being able to make time stop so I could deal with things that come up. I mean seriously, the the night before freshman year of high school I was freaking out...don't even get me into how I dealt with the night before heading off to college. I think it all comes down to the fact that I've never been good at living in the moment -- there's always something to look forward to in the future, but when the future comes, I spend a lot of time looking back at what I missed out on.
All this is coming up because another semester is coming to a close. I still have to finish my take home final and I have another in-class final on Monday (along with a reflection paper, a concept map, and my E-Portfolio for English), but time-wise, I'm pretty much done...and I'll be a senior next year...and then grad school for like 2 years, but then I have to be an adult or something. I don't want to grow up; I'm bad at taking responsibility for anyone but myself. I know I'm not ready to face the possibility of moving away from my family, buying a house, having kids. I know it's still like 3 years away before the "real world" even starts knocking, but seriously. I don't even want to think about having to face the need to pick a job that I expect to go to (and hopefully at least enjoy a little bit). I mean, I've spent the last 16 years going to school to learn the skills to get a job. What happens if I hate working in a museum, what happens if I don't find a job, what happens if all of this was for nothing? Gr, can't I just stay an undergrad forever?
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