Family shit again

This whole beach thing is getting to be more of a headache than it's really worth. All my mom's begging that I should go down for a weekend and stay through Monday seems to have been completely self-serving. I gave in, kinda as a favor to her...thinking a little that quite possibly this may be the last vacation I will take with just my mom. Really, she just didn't want to have to get Ryan back up to York for summer school stuff. Plus, her boyfriends going, as are two of his daughters and their friends. It may be petty, but I'm really beginning to think that she'd rather them be there than me. I have yet to spend time with just my mom this summer...she's always with her boyfriend or at least one of his daughters is over. I'm really not dealing with this well, especially since it was just kinda thrown at me tonight...and she wasn't even going to tell me. Ryan told me, not her...and I'm not happy about it. I can't stand that I'm expected to make sure they're entertained, and as selfish as this may seem, I don't want to have to share my family with them. I see my cousins once, maybe twice a year, since we've mostly all headed off to college and stuff...and I really just want to spend some time with the baby of the family (I guess a 4-year-old isn't much of baby though...he's growing up too, too fast) by myself. And I know I'm going to end up being the only one without a friend/significant other along.

Just another vacation that is going to require another vacation when I get back. I'm frustrated, and I know I can't talk to my mom about it. Sometimes I just want to print out all the shit I've written about this whole situation and just give it to her because she doesn't make time to listen. I'm tired of being told to "check in" on Ryan, etc. etc. when she's not going to make herself available to hear what I think. I'm tired of being the adult, I'm tired of worrying about my brother and how's he's dealing with all of this...I'm just sick and tired of it all.